'Bobbah Joe's Pizza Jamboree;Smak-down n' Smash-fest !!'

..Ever the Oakie Entrepreneur's Bobbah Joe Billfry and his piggy farm-pal scince near-birth; Peter 'Porter-Haus' Pig IV..near the end of the age of Disco and Solid Gold.. a serious financial risk was about to take place. Following in the foot steps of video-game pioneer.. Nolan Bushnell, a certain-corprate rat tunred mouse ..and Bobbah Joe's own hill-billy bear cousin; Billy Bob.. in the mid-summer of 1978 "Bobbah Joe's Pizza Jamboree" opened in downtown Midmiami,California. A Pizza/animal show themed family restaurant. Poter-Haus fluent in the electrical arts ,was also the first hill-billy to obtain an Electrical and Computer Engineering degree from NYU..using this knowledge and some artistic stage inspiration he has inherited from his aunt, Miss.. Porter-Haus had constructed a small robotic band of hill-billy bears and a stage show for entertaining while guests were dining on their hill-billy bear pizza. The animated robot-show was accopannied with hokey-country music,indoor river-raft ride, and arcade. Bobbah Joe ;while not the brains of the duo..deffly was the star. As the hill-billy bear robots were portayed in his image. Bobbuh Joe also provided the vocal work for the show as well as the musical score to accompany the entire hill-billy bear entourage. While not the first restaurant of it's kind..it WAS the first restaurant to have been founded by a hill-billy bear and his piggy counter-part. When pressed on where the funding had been resourced for the start of the restaurant.. Bobbuh Joe would feed the media the same line.. "Duu huuh..maw daddie sho' goddah lottuh munny he inheriitud from mah seester who also happens tuh be mah grammy !! Huu huuh.." !!" The restaurant did relativly well thru' the late 1970s and early 1/2 of the 1980s decade.. popular enough to spawn 3 spin-off restaurants.. "Porter-Haus's Pizza Pile Up" .."Peter Porter-Haus Pick-a-Pile of Pickled Pizza".. and Peter Porter-Haus's Pizza and XXX All Pork Review". Success was moderatly good for the two friends.. and enjoying in their wealth..the two Entrepreneurs remained steady friends ..but various corprate mergers,hill-billy pizza factions..rats,mice and Disney all found it strange and a threat that two prior unknowns were making the 3rd to front pages of The Wall Street Journal,Fortune, and TIME..what could have been a scandel that would have broken the farm-friends ..

"THE GREAT FROZEN PIZZA SCANDEL OF 1985"

..lies and coruption had left sour notes to investors,stock-exchanges,and to the hill-billy pizza industry in general..not realy caring or noticing that the duo had been framed. All Spin-off restaurants were closed down ..either becoming parking lots,antique malls,or future sites for Home Depot. The remaining "Bobbah Joe's Pizza Jamboree" stores had struggled a few more years..one by one closing. Soon the chain was..for reals this time..forced into buying frozen pizzas from the grocer's freezer ..ploppin' em' in the microwave and feeding guest on paper plates. Fountain drinks were a joke..guests had to dip punch glasses in a 'Magic Wishing Fountain' with a questionable yellow huh it and the sad aura of dead wishes in the form of dirty old pennies and dimes at the bottom of the drinking pool. Birthdays ..once which relished children in gifts,free premiums, larger pizzas,free tokens..the only pizza-show with live appearences by a real-live hill-billy bear..(not some pimply shmuck in a bear sweat-suit)..the party's of inbreeding dreams and yokel children fantacy ..were reduced to a wind-up Cymbal Monkey and a tape-recorder with Gloria Estefan's single version of Locomotion stuck inside. The stage once a grand ol' hill-billy ho-down,hottinanny-wind-ding ..complete with real curtains and electronic stage hands n' all. Was a May Tag box. These were the Pizza Jamboree's darkest days ..yet somehow optimistic and always loyal.. Porter-Haus stood by good kodiak-compadre thru n' thru' (however he developed a serious moonshine problem..which eventually rendered him impotent and an off and on again drunkard..). Bobbah Joe's however snapped.. after various nervous breakdowns during the coarse of 5 months worth of birthday partys..Bobbah Joe was suddenly convinced he was El Kabong ..smashing guests over the head with his banjo. 15 years ,589 psychiatric hospital visits,48 bonjo/head related lawsuits,and a bottle of lithium on his pizza a day..only one Pizza Jamboree restaurant remians open in Midmiami,California ..the original hilly-billy robot show has been restored by Porter-Haus using the last bit of his money,dignity, and optimism..faulty at best..and in continual need of repairs ,the show is the bane of the Pig's exsistance but the only real reason to work. That and prying out dried cheese the Frat Boys at Alph-Kappa-Beta-Betty fling at the robot's instruments in merriement and drunken orgies. The arcade has totally stopped the token program..nw the failing games are on a quarter only baisis. And even dated games at that. In fact the arcade itself consists of one PONG machine and 5 Pac-Man machines. The River-raft ride is now used by the local loggers as transport for the lumber down stream to the the 'Juan A. Woodhill And Benny B. Burrymemore Casket Factory' .. and a band of chipmonks from El Salvador serve as the full-time kitchen and wait staff. Bobbuh Joe still appears live for what few birthdays the Jamboree but usually it's just a small 15 minute bit with Bobbuh rambling some almost foul yet indiscernible tourette's syndrome-like speech..a few equally indiscernible twangs on his banjo..a quick manic-episode..some tears..then Bobbah digs into a trash bag and starts throwing out cartons of cigarettes at the guests n' calls them candy..he then goes into the back alley with his Piggy-pal .. drowns out his sorrows and schizophrenic ramblings with a box of Ho Hos and several jugs of moon-shine.. both of them most of the time are so sh7t-faced they aren't even shure if it is moon-shine or just recycled Pig-urine. Most parents would complain..and city officials would close the whole place down. But the town of Midmiami knows the whole story of their once prominent & hopefull hillbilly duo. The towns' age old saying and motto is..

"The Son who rises and falls shall rise again..uponce the returning of the fall of the sun,the moon,the stars..and all those things great as the sky is nigh and the bounty be lo-."

..meaning.. err..well noone really is sure what it means.. and really noone is sure if it's the towns' motto or some scribbling on a stall from a bathroom poet in the Greyhound Bus Terminal's Toilet on Bleeker and Spruce Ave.

Whatever the case..the 2 are oddly lovable..especially when drunk. They serve as a worse case scenario of farm animal capitalism gone wrong. And if there is a chance Bobbuh Joe snaps again..the local farmers will hide thar wives n' grab thar guns; make plans for hill-billy bear-skin rugs..and Pork-chops on their pizza. But they also better remember Bobbuh's gotta brand new bag, a big Banjo and he thinks he's El Kabong !!

KA - BONG !!

..inks,Magnum Marker,Coloured Pencil,design markers,crayon,P.shop - 25 September 2004