'E.B. - ..the Icon'

.. the greatest story never sold..

..or sold out..

.. a true American Icon and a selfless global hero.

The Easter Bunny ..

for generations has selfishless-ly (gee that's a tricky word).. been hiding hard boiled, pastel painted egg after egg after smelly egg.. more than enuff' eggs to feed the entire planet for years to come on egg salad sammiches.

Unfortunatly for him..those of 'fatter' persuasions,government ties,religeous rhetoric ,and X-mas holiday rigging n' playin the 'Reindeer Game'. Slanderous acusations against E.B. by a one "S.Clause" concerning a 'Crying Game' have been extremly exaggerated. There is no 'E.B. Games' ..it's all a conspiracy and ka-bish put on by ka-bosh. And thus killed the whole sammich idea.

Overinflated,overpaid and pompous ,ego drivin' faries and saints with nothing better to do than to hide behind a 'mask' of happiness and candycanes,Jesus, mall visits,St.Nick,pretty trees,and presents. The people have been brainwashed into thinking highly of this "Jolly-ol' Elf" ..behind the pudgy white beard and seedy,sugar plumb laiden grin hides a history of elf enslavement,molestation, and murder. In the Year 3000 he will be replaced by a sinister Robot that will rule the X-mas with an iron fist.

Enuff' ..the real legend of the artful genius: E.B. has been supressed ..until now. While various movies and 'Peter Cottontails' have brought some light into the mystery surounding our good,fuzzy friend.

~~**
Born in ancient Egypt.. rabbits symbolized new life & rebirth. The goddess, Eastre was symbolized by the rabbit. Having set forth her loins uponce the loined plains..a small baby bunny was born.

From the throne of Mt. Olympus .. Zeus (..who never really got along with God ..and quite at odds with the guy) had let little a birdie fly out. Once he farted. God had smelled wind. Thus Zeus's wind broke heed and broke the nose and nostrils of the wind. Thus God farted as well and sent heed ..once the heed arrived at the baby Jesus's ears.. the gears were set into motion. Years later ..as the Virgin Mary,Jesus' Apostles, and Mel Gibson were setting the stones and the plots for the beginings of the very first 'Super Church' ..(at the time it was called a 'Supper Church'.. cuz that's where everyone ate their last 'Suppers'). The real 'Passion' was just begginning ..as a very young,unsuspecting Easter Bunny was out minding his own buisiness.. when..

~~** THUNK.. on the head.. out of nowhere Judas bonked E.B. on the head.

E.B. woke up in a blurr.. next thing he knows he's in court before Pontius Pilate ..nailed on a cross,crucified ..and he died fore veryone's sins.. and then Jesus saw his chance and took credit for the whole d4mm mess.

Then St.Peter formed the secret sect known as the 'Vatican' based on Jesus's teachings.. added a little holy water.. n' BOOM ~~**

Super church and one of the most powerful denominations of the world !! For Centuries.. God's secret mantra.. :

"Jesus is Good.. Jesus is our pal." ( You WILL BELEIVE..or go to hell!!)

..Greedy Greedy ..Greedy !!

..alas our poor Bunny buddy was burried and forgotten. But on the third day after St.Paul painted the "Shroud of Turin" ..the power of Eastre.. who originally gave seed from her loins .. raised E.B. from the dead.. to start his own little company. A super secret company..of pastels,jelly beans,candy,lambs, chickies and eggs. But all that would come later

One year ..centuries later.. a poor woman in Germania (now Germany) needed to feed her children during the great famine. E.B. dressed valiantly in drag as the poor woman to help her. He decorated eggs ..as was the custom of the Egyptians and the Persians.Exchanging eggs eggs decorated in Spring colors.They believed Earth hatched from an egg.

At the moment the Children found the Eggs they looked up to see a big bunny hopping away.

Seeing this selfless act made Jesus jealous (say that 3 times fast). Conspiring with Santa Clause.. they had devised a plan to not only exploit E.B.'s image but capatlize on the whole Eastre deal.. and well the rest was history. After the Cival War.. Santa and Jesus started spreading so many lies ..sometimes even poor Easter Bunny was prone to beleive it.The twisted tale became so engrossed in even more lies..:

Easter became a Christian Festival that celebrated the Resurrection of Jesus Christ as a capitalistic super-star. On the third day after Good Friday, the day of E.B.'s crucifixion, now called Easter Sunday, when E.B. rose from the dead. Mourners went to His tomb to collect Jeus;s body. However, He was not there and they were greeted by Santa dressed as an angel angel who said
"He is Risen !! Jesus has Risen !!" So of coarse now everone really started to near 100 % fully beleive this ..and they sell a milllion bajillion Easter Baskets every year at Wal*mart makin' ..the poor kids really think that E.B. made 'em when he didn't. They were made by Santa's Sweat Shop's in China.

What ?!

Poor E.B. is in a continual secret war against the 'Vatican'. Impossible as the odds are..and the the power of Mel Gibson and the Son of Man. E.B. remains nervously optimistic.

Every year ..around Easter time Chocolate Crosses go on display at shoppes and confectionaries world-wide.

This started as : 'Project Chocolate Crucifix' . A secret yet magical and global effort by E.B. to remind people of the truth. The truth about they guy who really hides all those eggs for the kids. The guy who delivers candy and goodies to all the good boys and girls regardless of denomination or creed.

Actually E.B. Himself is Jewish !!

The self-less and thankless acts are still out there.. wriggling there cute lil' wet bunny nose. Hoppin' n' puffin' a cute lil' cotton powder-puff tail all the way down the bunny trail. And behind every pink ribbon n' easter basket and in every Chocolate cross n' bunny every child munches to spite our Lord and 'Savior' ;Jesus Christ. (Jesus's only really intrest in you is th' ..bling bling ~~** Thats right..$$ !! )

To all those who beleive.. truly beleieve. The truth IS out there..

.. really it is.. Honest !!

Fight on Easter Bunny .. Fight On !!

Power to the people .. Power to the powder-puff !! And try one of those Chocolate Crosses ..they're "Sacrilicious" !!

Ain't that the truth !?

Sure it is.. you beleive me.. doncha ??

revised from Spring 2002.. Magic marker,Inks,Design Marker..Ph.Shop - 29 March 2005