{ the dead archival }
** SCRATCH & DENT ARCHIVE OF ALL PAST POSTS : 2002 - 2008 Here @ **
? ? ? ?
-->> tOkKA's main BLOGG - KRIB ( 4 now ) can be found HERE ::
@ ..quoting Macbeth .. :: ? ? .. ..
sábado, enero 04, 2003
-->> 3 hours sleep in about 72 hours..
so fried..i am leaving this sh7t hole.. this will 1st time i get semblance of any kind of break in 3 years..
..t00 much on my mind.. i am actually in and out of the room when i make this entry here..
..i truly beleive noone reads anything on this shit here.. ever scince i first started internet junkings..
..i knew i'd not get much traffic.. this sh7t will just pile up 7 go away at some point.. my main KriB
site seems to have almost disappeared ..i am moving the damm thing over to a new subdomain..
But this process is taking forever.. but i guess it is supposed to. I am so dizzy.. Break now****::
..friend still in hospital .. he has to pull thru.. so dumm people are so fucking stupid.. . . why??
..to attack a kid for some stupid revenge type thing..damm ..kid had been thru hell & back..
now he stabbed,beat and hung naked on a fence. Gee.. Jesus lves his little children.
F8ck you,Jesus.. when i go to hell be sure to spit on me fro heaven. Want to die.. gaw..
MATT WILL MAKE IT. .. fu=9ck the ass that did this to him & f7ck you if you think
he won't.. no more.. F6CK!!
..ahh need to focus..mind in millions of spots & moods & haert is about to explode.. . . .. ah..
..i hate this.. why am i typing?? Gawd.. f7ck..noone will ever see any of this!! Gaw..
..no wonder..i'll i do is babble like a f8ckin' ginned up retarrd in the storm drain down town by the
courthouse.. . . . >8(
..better finish packing.. goin' to break.. a bit.. maybe finish html.. when did i say that before??
>v<
..tho..this trip holds unexceptional meaning.. but it wouldn't matter if i posted that here or not..
..noone is here.. .. heh
viernes, enero 03, 2003
-->> ..i'm gunna try to finish the damm HTML for this idiot page.. my whole site is moving away from
the idiot Homestead server it has been on the past 3 plus years..and structuring this to intergrate with 'KriB'
is part of that..
..Ah..
.. the Wreck friend was in was actually a brutal attack involving knives.. and damm he was attacked so
severe.. sh7t.. f7cker who got him is on my sh7t list... i will beat mother f7cker severe.. GAW..
.. my friend is just a kid.. Gaw.. . . n0more.. he needs me to stay strong.. he will GET out of hospital alive..
.. he has to.. nomore die.. no more please.. no.. gaw. . . . .....aw gaw..
..i will try to find grampa again today.. i tried finding him other day.. i thought what was an apartment building
..was actually a house..i got out of the cab (nice lady cabbie charged me only 5 $$ for almost 9 $$ cab ride..
nice when yir a broke rider).. i hung there ringing door bells and tried lookin' in the back..
noone was around.. i went to Myrna's house..
called my P0P & he sais we would try to find him later..When Grampop called he left no phone #..
..Myrna has been a motherly figure the past decade plus off my life now & just pretty much is as
real a 'Christian' sans the hypocracy as i have seen.. in so few people who call themselves..
'SAVED' ..'Born Again in The Lord' or 'Christian'..
She also has been more of a 'Mom' to my friend Van.. who now is very much on the path to being a
preacher.. he used to be quite open minded & we talked much about everything.. ..he was a
Brother.. and his whole family had treated me as such including Myrna..
..but he always seemed to get envious of the friends he grew upi with at his bible church..and
went to bible college with.. they were becoming preachers,gettin' married, n' makin' babies.
I told him his life & thier life was not the same. His life ws his own. He wanted what they had it
seems.
He went back to school telling me he hoped he'd meet a girl (i think that was the main reason)..
**B00m he met Amy.. now after a year of going out they are getting married after graduation..
..Amy is nice and sweet,responsive,bubbly,rubbery,n' a nice lil' girl..she is about as placid and fake to me
as a 'bobbing-head' Tammy Faye Baker doll ..if Van sees love there.. good for him.. i am happy for him..
..he got what his friends have.. & well he is bobbing his head now too..
Myrna was away from the house when i left my Grampop's & Van & Amy were there..
Van & Amy were more intrested in playing 'Episode I' Monopoly than talking to their retarded who they had
not seen in 7 months,or called,or emailed or whatever.. i am creepy to Amy ,anyway..
and Van acted like he'd just seen me everyday the past 7 days prior.. "o' ..hi Dave.."
'..Hey ,Pal..gee it's awful good to see ya.. what hasd been happening? ?How are you?? Finished with any school?? '
.. no it was Monopoly,a Coke and a smile.. Van is no more..Last time i was even going to be his "best Man"..
now..well i'm just invited.. i was his best friend.. and he was one of mine.. well.. -- --- - - - - ----- so it goes..
8(
..things are in a great quickening of change..& not all of it is bad,bad,bad..
..things are becoming pretty real.. and there is a real special romance brewing..i am sttruggling with..
i already feel i f8cked it up so bad.. but well ..they are still here for some special reasons i cannot see..
..w0w.. this person is entering reality at full speed now..& i am scared & all the emotions between pure..
extacy,fear,anger,hatred,happiness,bliss,sweet,nice.. fear..wonder.. faith ,compassion, & love..w0w..
..i leave town son..cannot wait.. w0w.. ah.. gee..
don't die ,matt.. you can't & won't..don't worry i am here, pal.. . . . .. . >v<
ah..
..
miércoles, enero 01, 2003
-->> 2003 .. 1st day.. friend already in bad wreck.. serious condition.. . . . ..
.. someone special sick and missing.. hopfully getting well .. i don't know anything..
..WHY DON't PEOPLE CONTACT ME for once?? Why the f8ck i alwyas gotta be the one??
..maybe i'm trying to keep tabs and control of the sureal.. i don't know.. ah.. / // //
..Why? ? AAAAHh.. god.. f7ck.. why i even type this sh7t..noone reads it or gives a shit
left or right.
..My Grandpa ,i found out the other day is still alive.. so i am going to go find him..
..years back when his wife dies..My mawm had a bad ans retarded falling out with
him.. for some unknown reason she won't give him the time of day.. he feels awful
..& he thinks my mawm and Pop hate him.. i need to find him.. show him he is not bad
& that is miss him .. and want him in my life even if mawm hates him.. i don't know what i'll
say.. but i gotta find him now!! !! !!
Ahh.. f8ck... noisy neibors upstairs think they own
the whole place.. you could be bleeding & seizure..they will call the landlord to get
you evicted.. s'ok.. when i go to hell i'll see them there.. i hope the give me a call so
we can hook up..
domingo, diciembre 29, 2002
-->> ..yeah..i failed again.. f8ck me..
..that little girl..
'Only Sleeping' by Yazzy.. posted exactly what has been on my noggin scince i woke at freekin' 4 p.m. this fine LAST SUNDAY of 2002.. this guy is great..i stole a post he did in MAY..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And you open the door and you step inside---we're inside our hearts. Now imagine your pain is a white ball of healing light. That's right, feel your pain, the pain itself, it's a white ball of healing light.---I don't think so. This is your life. Good to the last drop, doesn't get any better than this. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. This isn't a seminar and this isn't a weekend retreat. Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It's only after you have lost everything that you are free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is appalling, everything is falling apart. This is your life. It doesn't get any better than this. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are all a part of the same compost heap, we are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. You are not your bank account, you are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your bowel cancer. You are not your Grande Latte. You are not the car you drive. You are not your fucking khakis. You have to give up, you have to give up. You have to realize that someday you will die, until you know that you are useless. I say let me never be complete. I say may I never be content. I say deliver me from Swedish furniture! I say deliver me from clever art. I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth. I say you have to give up. I say evolve, and let the chips fall where they may. This is your life, it doesn't get any better than this. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You have to give up. You have to give up. Welcome to fight club, if this is your first night, you have to fight.
Gentlemen, welcome to fight club
1st rule of fight club: you don't talk about fight club
2nd rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club
3rd rule of fight club: when someone say stop or goes limp, the fight is over.
4th rule of fight club: only two guys to a fight.
5th rule of fight club: one fight at a time.
6th rule of fight club: no shirts. no shoes.
7th rule of fight club: fights go on as long as they have to.
8th and final rule: if this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight.
This is your life. Good to the last drop. It doesn't get any better than this. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. You thought you had it all figured out. You bought furniture. You told yourself, this is the last sofa I'll ever need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes, the right dinette. Your window treatment, your duvet, your dust ruffle. I say a chair is not an insight into a better understanding of it's owner, a chair is a place to put your ass. I say may I never be complete. I say evolve and let the chips fall where they may.
You are not a unique and individual snowflake. We are all part of the same compost heap. We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. You are not your bank account, you are not the clothes you wear. You are not the contents of your wallet. Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction is...In cultures without soap, they use their urine, and the urine of their dogs to wash their clothes and hair, because of the uric acid and ammonia. And we just piss our fancy American piss, rich and yellow from too many vitamins. Rich and expensive and thrown away. Could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis and throw it out the window of a moving car. You could be hit by lightening and your head could burn down to a smoldering baseball. You could be wading in a river in south America while tiny fish with barbed wire spines swim up your urethra and set up housekeeping. I want you to start a fight with a total stranger. I want you to start a fight, and I want you to lose. Take some joe off the street and recruit him. Let him experience winning for the first time in his miserable life. Give him permission to beat the crap out of you. Get him to explode. This isn't a seminar. This isn't a weekend retreat. Where you are now, you cant even imagine what the bottom will be like. If you don't fall all the way, you cant be saved. It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
Nothing is static. Everything is changing. Everything is falling apart. There are only two constants in this life; chaos and pandemonium.
Dust Brothers and Tyler Durden- This is Your Life
Fight Club is one of the best movies.. not cuz.. ..'It was so vilolent ,man.. remember when he..*&*^**^&^*^&*^@#$@...and blood was $#%^$%^&^&%&@#.. it was so cool!! And the bomb %#$%#%# !! 'Brad Pitt'
was awsome ..yeah.. but 'Helena Bonham Carter' was the perfect match to be the Tragic b7tch of the turbulantly schitzo
relationship of:
Ed Norton ..is one of my heroes.. the guy can play anything.. W0w!! This was prolly my favorite roll of his next to 'Smoochie'
.. he doesn't to have anything he can't play without a level of intelect i cannot even begin to parlay..DAMM!!
'Fight Club' f7cks with your head to severe.. & beyond the fact that 'Tyler Durden' was such a well developed character..and that he's
a freekin looney like me..(the only real reason think i like the show,geez)..the whole movie plays on the baisis that the mundane sh9t in life doesn't matter worth sh7t.. Life is once.. .. you can define it.. not let the mundane define it.. like i do.
.. it's also alot more.. t00.. in fact these types of things as ya may know really exsist..n' it gets crazier.. but well..
.. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
..you have to give up.. . . . . . .. .. t0kk is fighting.. .. >v<
..now on to see if HTML will actually work this time..