!! me AM,tOkKa - - { the dead archival }

{ the dead archival }
** SCRATCH & DENT ARCHIVE OF ALL PAST POSTS : 2002 - 2008 Here @ **
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-->> tOkKA's main BLOGG - KRIB ( 4 now ) can be found HERE ::
@ ..quoting Macbeth .. :: ? ? .. ..

sábado, febrero 08, 2003

-->>

.. i need to go work for my mawma..

.. i didn't get paid when i was supposed to due to time sheets not being counted
as 'worked' until 2 weeks from now .. so i have to wait 14 more days for $$..
Mawm said i can work for her for $$..
ok..

.. tripped bad.. people ustairs so loud..pound bang.. noise noise noise..
..anxiety so high..i no sleepin' .. i cracked.. pounded on
ceiling like a looney screaming.. smashed up my fists and smacked my skull on
concrete wall again.. so stupid..
..lady came down.. !! GRR!!
.. tryed ro work it out.. time will tell .. ..

.. ah .. anxiety flying so high!! ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME!! !~~
AH..!!.. i really do want my MAWMY !! .. >v<

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jueves, febrero 06, 2003

domingo, febrero 02, 2003

-->> . . i am selfish.. i want to die.. every other word is selfish.. 'SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH'..

..ok.. . . . how many more times can my ugly body withstand the soldering, the cutting, the smashing..
.. i am slowly killing myself by doing this.. how much more blood needs to be split??

Well as long as i'm alive right.. another day of immense mundane fodder,pain, & slowly watching the world desentigrate..
.. hey..it's all about 'THAT'.. & Wal - mart.. nand uhh h'yuck.. ,"JEESUS LUVSS yooo" .. AWSOME!!
..i might as well go stick another jesus fish on my car.. preach love all day.. but not follow thru..n' go try
to ramm other people off the road in good Christian manner.. as most of COLORADO SPRINGS seems set to do..

.. i will die..at some point i will stop 'failing' in taking my life.. i WILL succeed.. or perhaps someone may
just come up blast my fucking face off for 5 bucks on the way from home to Wal-mart.. right??

..

HEY,DOC..HEY THERAPIST.. the pills do NOT work.. they have not scince i was a kid..

.. side effects are placid and tired anymore.. i am a schitzophrenic person trying to live 'NORMALLY'..

.. and you won't give me soemthing i think may actually help me.. i do research to doc..
.. and some of the pills i've discovered aren't all that bad.. and don't cause cronic heart failure..

..that's ok tho.. t0kk is just crazy.. "HE DUN BEEN ACTIN' FUNNEH.. tokkuh must be off
hee's medEEcine.."..
.. yeah..that's it,Burley..

..if someone loves me so much why won't they understand my need to die..

..if i love them so much.. why must i keep burdening them with my ..'SHIT' ??
..with my slow destruction of me??..

.. ..
Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.

..i thought i beleived that.. I DID!!

.. but i also beleive..

.. when it rains..

..it pours.. gawd.. i need to bleed again..
..maybe she can pour some salt in the wounds..
l0l .. .. .. ..>v<

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