{ the dead archival }
** SCRATCH & DENT ARCHIVE OF ALL PAST POSTS : 2002 - 2008 Here @ **
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-->> tOkKA's main BLOGG - KRIB ( 4 now ) can be found HERE ::
@ ..quoting Macbeth .. :: ? ? .. ..

sábado, septiembre 20, 2003 -->> Matthew : what up tOkKA : .. hay!! tOkKA : ..HAY.. Matthew: how r u tOkKA: it's for horses!! tOkKA: ..me?? tOkKA: me?? Matthew: yes u tOkKA: how r me?? tOkKA: me ok.. how r u?? Matthew: good Matthew: i got job today tOkKA: you got job?? tOkKA: which Job?? Matthew: yeah Matthew: cot 1 tOkKA: bailing hay?? Matthew: oct tOkKA: Cot 1?? tOkKA: OCTOBER?? Matthew: 11dat Matthew: day tOkKA: October 11 is the day you start new job bailing hay?? tOkKA: ..i like horse!! Matthew: printing tOkKA: printing!?? tOkKA: !! tOkKA: !! tOkKA: printing for horses?? Matthew: no no no no no tOkKAb2 : nononono?? tOkKAb2 : Printing on hay?? Matthew: my have job printing tOkKA: .. printing.. what?? tOkKA: horse papers?? Matthew: who tOkKA: .. YOU!!?? tOkKA: what you print?? Matthe: i not k tOkKA: ?? tOkKA: o tOkKA: you not 'k' .. tOkKA: ..i not 'p' Matthew: :-P tOkKA: ..i'm holding it in!! tOkKA: .. bladder is real full tho'.. tOkKA: i like horses!! tOkKA: some people say i am hung like one.. tOkKA: ..but if i hung myself like a horse.. Matthew: ok Matthew: ooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk tOkKA: i'm pretty sure i die alot differently tOkKA : ..chat?? tOkKA: why chat?? Matthew: my friday jasen Matthew: b tOkKA: 'b' ?? Matthew: friend jasen tOkKA: but you not 'k' Matthew: barringer tOkKA: O..i know him.. tOkKA: ..is n't he a horse?? Matthew: yeah tOkKA: .. we got into a bad fight one time me n' him.. Matthew: how tOkKA: he got me in a strangle hold.. he held me like a horse tOkKA: ..how?? tOkKA: like a horse.. tOkK: but i hit like a pony.. Matthew: jasen u hi tOkK: not that i'm gay mind you.. but i do kick like a donkey tOkK: .. tOkK: ?? Matt: what tOkK: :-) tOkK: you funnig Matt: yeah Matt: :-D tOkK: yeh..squirrel nuts.. ---- ..enter long confused Chat about M.r.Ed..Jasen getting a job cleaning balloons for a 'Red Robin'..squirrel nuts,earing frogs that rip and happy cowboy horse frogs.. and sniffing for squirrel nuts,black girls and 'Black Beauty' and love of horses .. and more horses..edited for content..oi---------------------------------------------------------------------------- barringer: disguard tOkK: THATGUARD!! ..squirrel nuts Matthew: =-O tOkK: :-$ barringer: shut up u are make me disguest Matthew: :-! you r Matthew: dave tOkKA: 'disguest' ..'Readers or Catholic?? tOkK: oi..tang withdrawl..-- continues to hell.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   viernes, septiembre 19, 2003 -->> ..just in case the 4 people and the Yeti that visit here didn't really beleive i was tryin' to fix this place up.. ..here's a lil' bit of proof.. i'll do my best (with Mike's help) to get these things on KriB and here pluggin' along at a reasonable rate..hopefully before the next ice age or before i use the soldering knife on my wrists again..(that was a joke..ehhh..ok) ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   jueves, septiembre 18, 2003 -->> ..new layout is almost done.. so if anybody is seeing this damm blogg sh6t in the first place.. ..all this broke stuff hopefully will be a thing of the past.. .. it's near 4 a.m. .. ..tokk's mind is tricky in these hours..many times..i'm alone with tigers and heads and things that i see and talk to.. ..maybe tokk's mind just doesn't stop thinkin'.. maybe. ..alot has happened this year that has made too much of a difference in my life. When people say.. "well this is what other people do/did.. or this is how other people would handle it.." of a certain situation i may encounter.. it bugs me..a bit. when extremly unusual circumstances ..i mean things very out of the ordinary happen in one's span on this planet..things that not only wouldn't happen to you ..but to 'other people'..you are kind of left with.. NO RULES.. no definitions.. no guidelines..yeh.. you have to make it up as you go.. and the definitions become as unique as the circumstance. If i were to suddenly be adopted by wolves.. well.. gee..(this is a dumm exaple..but follow me..) ..suddenly i'm feral..i'd be left to adapt to my own wits.. trust things and creatures i prolly didn't think of trusting before.. ..killing,eating,surviving,and risk being killed in ways i'd not have to had worry of in my 'prior' life.. ..things would be suddenly very differnt obviously..scary,and prolly quite intresting. Almost a year ago.. i "became a wolf".. (technically..) and even as we speak the rules are still being written. If one continues to follow the ways..'other people have done them' ..i mean..it is ok to adapt that which is good and logical..to and learn and apply what others have done to benefit your own situation.. but if you can't even break the molds and forms .. and even apply your own rules.. you may very well be stuck up a creek sans paddle. At this point had i followed the ways 'other people have done it' .. if i didn't stop and think.. ..i would be dead.. That is not a nice fact some would like to look at all or some would either care about.. .. but stories and facts and rules are all out there.. and these are just more to pile on the heap of recorded and non-recorded history..written and digital of this thing we spin on called "earth".. .. and there are facts,stories, and rules and what-n0t.. yet to be written. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   martes, septiembre 16, 2003 ..? ? ? ? ?..   -->> ..it's all gunna f7ck with my head.. will i ever get this retarded sh7t done?? .. gaw.. i so want to run out into the freeway.. f7ckin' staples won't let me.. ..i need a good seizure.. as it turns out.. i'll prolly get at least 2 before the day is over.. kill me?? .. anyone?? please?? .. slow down,t0kk.. you can do this.. .. .. come on.. where are the breaks.. they are on here someplace.. gaw i need to feel.. AW F7ck!!. .. >v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   -->> ..it never made f7ckin' any sence to me.. ..sometimes the very same people who were 'there for me' 'supported' me..'loved me'.. 'care for me' ,just totally f8ckin' rip me.. i don't care how 'undefinable' i am or my brain is or my 'schizopgrenia' is.. ..i know pain when i feel it.. i know pain when i see it.. i may be crazy.. but i ain't retarded.. i just got ripped. ..over the past freekin' month.. i've been cut too many blows to the ribs and to the heart. Why is this ok?? ..i don't understand.. hell my mawm says she is ok with me .. yet at the same time she is hitting me and pushing me away cuz i was leaning over to give her a kiss on the forehead. .. i'm fried.. i've been workin n0n-stop on these slow arse comps at home to do these damm websites i'm not really positive at this point are going to make any bit of difference.. noone wants me to die or burn or cut myself.. but they want to hurt me.. in what ever case or fashion.. JESUS.. wtf?? Is it all misunderstanding?? .. am i f8ckin' 'halucinating'?? .. tell that to the f8ckin' thing thumping rapid under my rib cage.. ..over the next several months ..i am going to attempt to 'survive'.. and i am going to make some hopefully positive and some very rash moves. Perhaps i am setting myself up.. ..perhaps i'll survive it.. perhaps i won't.. what have i got to loose at this point..either i survive happy.. ..(or as selfish as it may sound to some of the 'anti-suicidalist' crowd).. ..or i don't survive.. again.. what i got to loose.. Gaw, i so need to bleed..but noone understands that either, sh6t. .. the plastics of this little pit here still are plastic.. .. plastic doesn't hurt you tho'.. but plastic doesn't really get you anywhere.. ..unless you drop an engine in it.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   domingo, septiembre 14, 2003 -->> .. sometimes i like my heart.. 6 in the morning.. dizzy sets in.. tigers live in kitchen.. and beautiful fantasy enters into play of heart game.. ..and nice memory.. ..workin' on layout is kickin' me in noggin'.. 'Hands Down' ..-'Dashboard Confessional' -=-=-=- Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race from self control your legs are smooth as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer. The words are hushed lets not get busted, just lay entwined here undiscovered. Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions.. "hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer. Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember, I'll always remember the sound of the stereo, the dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late and the walk that we shared together. The street was wet and the gate was locked so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door with your hands on my waist and you kissed me, but you meant it and I knew that you meant it, that you meant it, that you meant it, and I knew, that you meant that you meant it. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..