{ the dead archival }
** SCRATCH & DENT ARCHIVE OF ALL PAST POSTS : 2002 - 2008 Here @ **
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-->> tOkKA's main BLOGG - KRIB ( 4 now ) can be found HERE ::
@ ..quoting Macbeth .. :: ? ? .. ..

sábado, noviembre 08, 2003 -->> ..Mr.presidident.. you are about as American as a peice of space slug fodder.. ..you f8ckin' evil ,bastard.. when you get to hell ..look me up.. i know the devil personally (or so i'm told).. i'll see if he can talk the f8ckers that crashed a few years ago are up to smackin' a small bi-plane into your idiot pea-brain..then maybe it'll create more jobs for all the little bezzUl-pugs cleanin' up after the damm mes.. in hell anything goes..n' down there.. you ain't f8cking 'king of the world'.. ..your as schizophrenic as me,moron.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   jueves, noviembre 06, 2003 -->> ..who is that alien?? ..>v< later>>@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$@$ -->> .. just over the mark.. a little under 1/2 of me is going to hell.. the rest is goin' to go smack head first into the cement outside.. i'm so dizzy.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   miércoles, noviembre 05, 2003 -->> .. ..i just went thru and sorted out my million-billion files and made thumb nails and stuff for the damm new 'fridge -gallery' (can't wait 'til it's all back up) ..older files too..ones from the old 'KriB' stuff.. brings me back memories of the time when i was being harrassed by Speedy and Bashful.. yeh ..i was lackin' power pills.. but eventually they lost intrest in and went to go chase yellow ..i'm wasted ...wide awake.. and in fear i won't make it to school..and paranoid as f6ck Mike is gonna be pissed at me for the prior post there.. so be it..i meant it.. and at least i gott 'nuff cashews to say it.. ..i miss him like hell,yo.. i 'spect..when he ain't downloading p0rno for pyros.. he misses me.. ..don't look at me..i can download porn,illustrate,make thumnails.. and ehh.. ya know.. all with one hand.. ..ehh ..heh.. ..wakka wakka.. >v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   lunes, noviembre 03, 2003 -->> "Good,Gooder ..Goodest.. never would you wouldest ..til' yir good is Good.. and yir gooder is Goodest.." -~tOkK ..this morning i heard 3 word i wasn't totally expecting.. but filled in a gap in my choaotic little muscle known as a 'heart'.. no i wasn't thinking it's this all out devotional thing.. or some all god-like spiritual..bible bumble-bee thumper thing.. it's what it is.. and all that and more..and none of that.. ..but simply.. ..'I love you'.. .. i'm not f8cking expecting anything like all of a sudden to be flowers and butterflies.. but whatever.. it helps.. .. complexities and to why i am what i am and do what i do..maybe i'm more obsessed with all this than alot of other people.. but damm.. that heart thing.. god.. how it loves to f7ck with me.. and sh7t i've had to put up some major boundries to people that stabbed me in the back so hard that i will all but say only 'hi' to them.. sh5t.. yo.. that heart thing.. ya know.. it's kinda dumm too.. real dumm.. it makes decisions and leaves your damm brain by the way side.. and the heart ends up in a trip and ends up getting hurt..stabbing itself & by the same thing it fell for..or what have you.. in August.. some crazy hurricane and a freaked out phone call later.. there was my dumm little muscle ..hangin' on my shoulder all bleeding.. .. i got off the phone with 'the one'..a bit ago.. and i'm feeling a little more solid ..sh6t.. things start out it seems on these calls lately.. ".. i'll call 'em and will shoot the sh9t..piddley little crap..but understandable.. that's why i call .. to see how they are and so they can touch base with me and where i am..(besides.. somewhat raspy my voice..it turns some people on ,maybe they think it's still kinda 'hot'.. and yorkshire terriors.. it turns them on too so ya know i must be doin' something right.. my gramma's poodle couldn't get enuff' of my leg everytime he heard me talk so..) .. whatever.. something came to something.. and the conversation just turns into a thought process..a verbal one. once i get started.. it just goes.. where it goes. Things are so much in a turning point right now.. and 'optomisim' is like fine crude oil.. it can be real scarce.. but when i find it.. it blows like a gyser.. and maybe it hits some other people too. I am what i am ..like everone..me am alot of things.. and sh6t i do makes people worry,disagree,hate,disregard..love,cherish.. the works.. ME. .. i get into more trouble sometimes than i really should be taking on.. and much of the trouble i get into really is just something i need to let go.. cuz it's not trouble at all..it's 'silly'. This little Blog thing is whatever it is.. i don't really physically 'write'.. personal sh6t in a diary or what not.. maybe i should.. but i can't decorate a diary like a cereal box.. well i could but.. this blogg is prettier to decorate and sh8t.. Blogger isn't good at uploading sparkles and buttons and little stickers with teddy bears.. i'm pretty sure they are workin' on it tho' ..c:\windows\desktop\website\ttb.ear i don't know..i feel special in the way it used to.. before sh6t hit the fan.. but .. see.. when your heart hurts.. at least mine.. my brain ..kicked in.. at least it did.. for the most part.. (doesn't always).. yeh i've been a chaotic mess. But i'm not about to throw something so special and important out the window. I can't do it anymore.. people throw enuff' sh6t away in this f6ckin' United States.. now just tossing hearts out.. doesn't fly with me.. guess i'll throw some more damm duct tape on the f8ckin' heart there.. and keep trying to be where i belong.. maybe i'm settin' myself up..maybe not.. but i hope some how i can prove to me.. and to my mawm and pop and Mr.Olsen and loved ones that i can 'do this' and yeh.. and this one person is at the top of my list.. sorry.. Or i could just go and cut myself and bleed and burn and feel.. or go mix chemicals again and try to die.. but i didn't.. I'm in neutral zone right now.. qnd even tho' heart is all duct taped up..it still feels the same.. and i'm stil deep in love.. now brain needs to keep up with heart..as well as another heart and brain.. and maybe all that special stuff can be once more.. and ..i// WE can be happy.. and sh6t..yeh..love sucks.. .. but i like the prospect of being in love.. i like the potential..the potential in being,belonging, and all that mushy stuff.. and now i guess that's what i need to do my best to work on..the potential.. cuz potential .. doesn't move itself.. it needs to be directed.. like a little child.. it needs to be developed and focused.. and driven.. and maybe after time it'll grow into something your quite pleased with.. it's a f7ckin' hard thing..all 'uphill' sometimes but.. well.. ..time will tell.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..   -->> ..it's hard.. f7ckin' very VERY difficult.. .. stay posotive- Cos this world swallows souls And when the blues unfold It gets cold silence burns holes You're going mad Perhaps you always were But when things was good you just didn't care This is called irony When you most need to get up you got no energy Time and time shit'll happen The dark shit's unwrapping But no-one's listening your mates are laughing Your brethren's fucking and then you start hating Your stomach starts churning and you mind starts turning. So smoke another draw It won't matter no more but the next day still feels sore Rain taps on your window Always did tho but you didn't hear it when things were so-so You're on your own now Your little zone you were born alone and believe me you'll die alone Weed becomes a chore You want the buzz back so you follow the others onto smack Just trying to stay positive " " " Feels nice and still Good thing about brown is it always will It's easy, no-one blames you It's that world out there that's fucked you You know less of a person and if God exists He still loves you Just remember that - the more you sink the further back from that brink Maybe you've lifetime scars and you think tattoos might be more fitting But who's picking? Searching for yourself you find demons Try and be a freeman and grasp that talisman Cos your the same as I am We all need our fellow man We all need our samaritan. Maybe I'm better looking than you tho Maybe I've got more dough - but am I happier... no. Get the love of a good girl and your world will be much richer than my world And your happyness will uncurl Just trying to stay positive " " " Stop dreaming People who say that are blaspheming They're doing nine to five and moaning And they don't want you succeeding when theyve blown it And you idols - who are they? They too dreamt about their day Positive steps will see your goals. Whether it's dollars or control, feel the gold. I aint helping you climb the ladder I'm busy climbing mine. That's how it's been since the dawn of time If you reach a cul-de-sac The world turns it's back This is you zone, it's like blackjack He might get the ace or the top one So organise your two's and three's into a run then you'll have fucked him son And for that you'll be the better one One last thing before you go though When you feel better tommorow you'll be a hero But never forget today. you could be back here Things can stray What if you see me in that window? You won't help me I know. That's cool, just keep walking where you go. Carry on through the estate, stare at the geezers so they know you aint lightweight And go see your mates And when they don't look happy Play them this tape Just trying to stay positive " " " I hope you understand me Just trying to stay positive I aint no preaching fucker and I aint no do-goody-goody either This is about when shit goes pear-shaped And if you aren't or ever have been at rock bottom then good luck to you in the big wide world But remember that one day shit might just start crumbling Your bird might fuck off or you might loose your job It's when that happens that what I'm talking about will feel much more important to you So if you aint feeling it, just be thankfull that everythings cool in your world Respect to BC Positivity Positivity Just trying to stay positive " " " ..past 5 AM.. i'm not sleeping.. i'm lucky.. at least i have a bed 'not' to sleep in.. ..>v< ..? ? ? ? ?..