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@ ..quoting Macbeth .. :: ? ? .. ..

miércoles, septiembre 15, 2004 -->> ..sucks,don't it..?? .. too much is going on..right now ,again ..the days take their toll on me so hard. Whatever i have to complain about is prolly so mundane compared to the hurricanes ..people in Russia and other parts of the worls are in so much pain right now..what lack of sensation i would have at this moment is nothing. I grasp for steaws over and over.. when the darkest of hours are about to dawn..then i get distracted once more and the need to feel has is fed by the distraction. Why i get sucked into the dark tho' ..at the most unconventional times .. the times when noone can deal with it or help .. prolly just the way it works.. prolly a good thing. I just drag others down and stress them out as the pain takes hold of my nervous system. Suicidal tendancy is one thing. But as my body totally shuts down..the manic tendancy 'freaks out' and wants to feel a sensation. The pain inside just sweels up.. becomes it's own freekinsh thing that it sucks itself into. .. i have to feel right now. It's the way it is at this moment. I can't find many words to descrbe it. I can't find any justification to even post about it right now. I've been here thousands of times before. And i'm too mundane to care.. or even care about myself. My flesh is screaming right now. Tigers are visable right now in these eyes.. literal ones yes. There is a blank stare right now and an invisible energy typing these digital little letters. The iron is warming up and i know what i have to do. .. it will hurt yes. That is the point .. it's not for you.. it's not to spite anyone..it's not for anger.. it's not to get back at anyone. ..it's for me.. this moment.. it's what i need. ..and here i go again trying to explain it. I can't explain it anymore. All i know is if i don't feel right now. I will be sucked in for good. And i will not be coming back if i get sucked in too far. .. >v< ..? ? ? ? ?..